The Interview
by Kikidevil17
Summary: Alicia and Peter need to do a joint interview in order to do damage control for Alicia's campaign.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I probably should have never said that I wasn't going to write gain because here I am. Honestly this story came of an idea I told Chefie1 and she wouldn't let me breathe until I wrote it LOL. But I am glad she did, because it felt great just writing it all down. But I want to thank her because really this story is as much mine as hers, because she filled in a lot of the blanks, she made this story elegant, added a great deal of details that I am just not capable of doing myself. So I want to say this story is a joint effort between the both of us. Thanks for all your girl! This story is long, so I broke it up into three chapters. I will post the rest before the end of the week.

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><p>Checking my watch, I notice that it is five-minutes until show time. A heavy sigh rolls past my lips as I reluctantly settle on the crème settee, the beaming bright lights overhead already causing a bead of sweat to form on my forehead. I look beyond the mock stage that took them nearly four hours to set-up in my office. It slightly resembles the same layout my staff orchestrated for mandatory portraits of the first family of Illinois after I was newly elected governor. The heavy-duty professional grade lights and cameras, along with two thirty-two inch monitors behind the interviewee's chair and a camera crew of five huddled in a corner, reminds me that this was indeed primetime and not a measly photo-shoot. Squinting my eyes, I try to get a better view past the sharp beams of light to see if Alicia was finally getting the last round of touch-ups on her makeup. She had been getting dressed, and in hair and makeup far longer than the allotted hour and a half Eli said she would be.<p>

I've done hundreds of interviews before, but this one was different. It was both of us together._Pretending_.

Forced to pretend we are a happy couple after the rumors came out about Alicia's affair with Will. This was all Castro's doing I am sure. There was no controlling the media's speculation, and they went out of their way to find proof when we wouldn't confirm or deny the gossip. Until finally some pictures of Will and Alicia at different hotels, surfaced. There was no longer any point of denying it. So now, we are here, pretending to be happily married to shut down Castro's bidding and remind the people of Chicago that my wife is every bit as noble and deserving to be the next State's Attorney.

Hearing the crew guy shout a ninety-second warning, it is then that I see Alicia waltz towards me in a two-piece blue skirt suit. She already has that political look to her—cool, calm, and collected. She flashes me a nervous smile and sits next to me on the couch, closer than she usually would have. I knew what was about to take place in the next thirty-minutes and hated it. I'm sure she was aware of that. But, I have no choice. I'm only doing this for my wife. As long as I am in the position to do so, I will use everything in my power to save her political future, just as she did mine.

"You ready?" she asked.

"Yup," I say, settling into a more comfortable position.

Steve Kroft—our interviewer—finally joins us and plops down in the designated chair positioned in front of the couch.

"Thanks again for agreeing to do this joint interview. It should be a breeze," he says.

We both offer him a small smile as the doubt seeps into our minds. A breeze? Yeah right. We have never done this type of interview before and having been debriefed on his line of questioning, I'm sure I can speak for us when I say this will not be a walk in the park.

"Ten seconds," the crew guy yells, followed by a countdown.

Within the doled out seconds, Steve begins his sixty-minutes introductory speech, thanking the audience for joining us. He is staring straight into the camera as he gives a brief background about Alicia and I, to which I am barely listening. When I glance over to her, I notice she is looking at him and smiling like she is ready for whatever is coming her way. You see, that's my wife. She is always prepared for battle. I wouldn't imagine her as nothing short of the strong and brave woman she is, sitting beside me on this couch. She is truly one of the most courageous women I know.

After introducing us to America, Steve finally turns to us and begins the interview. He first directs his attention to Alicia.

"Mrs. Florrick, let's start with you, since you are the reason that we are here. You threw your hat into the State's attorney race a few months ago. Why?"

She laughs nervously. "Well, Steve, I thought I truly would be the best person for the job. The office is deeply flawed in a political gridlock right now and the current State's Attorney just isn't pulling his weight. I believe my law background along with my slight involvement in politics, makes me an outsider who has seen the world through the eyes of an everyday citizen. My vision is not blinded by the demands of government. That being said, I would be able to come into the State's Attorney office and bring real change, because I wouldn't have to answer to anyone else but the people of Illinois."

"But, your husband appointed Mr. Castro." Steve now turns to me and so does Alicia. "Mr. Governor, do you think it was a mistake to nominate him?"

Taking a deep breath, I weigh out the endless answers in my mind and carefully respond.

"Steve, Castro was the smart choice back then when I left the State's Attorney's office. He had worked really hard to get to where he was and had a lot experience. But he has since completely mismanaged that office. This is why I am so happy and proud my wife decided to enter the race." I turn to Alicia and cover her hands resting on top of her thigh with my own, and then focus back on Steve. "She is one of the smartest and most dedicated individuals I have ever met. She loves to work hard and loves to make a difference. And she loves this city as much as I do. That is why I don't believe any other candidate is as qualified as her."

Steve nods. "You speak very highly of your wife, which leads me to the reason I feel many people have tuned in tonight." Both Alicia and I shift uncomfortably on the cushion, knowing what he is about to ask next. "Mrs. Florrick, can you please speak on the allegations that you had an extramarital affair with your former boss, Will Gardner, a partner at your previous law firm?"

I feel Alicia's hand tense under mine, but I keep my hand steadfastly on hers and give a slight squeeze to let her know it's going to be okay. That I am right here, that we are in this together, and it will all be okay.

"As you know, as does the public, Peter and I have experienced a lot of difficulties in our marriage. This dates back to years ago when his scandal surfaced. It was a very hard time for us. We wanted to make it work, but I was very angry. I was heartbroken."

She nearly whispers "heartbroken" and I fear she will habitually recoil in herself, on live television, as the memory swallows her in grief. But by the grace of her strong will, she continues to hold her head high and speaks confidently about our marriage, and her affair.

"During the first few years after the scandal was brought to light, Peter and I were separated. And that was when..." she inhales a breath and glances at me briefly, then continued, "I engaged in a relationship with an old friend, Will Gardner. It lasted a few months, but that was it. He was a good friend and a good person, who was there for me during a hard time in my life. I think a part of me just needed time to heal and move on. He helped me do that."

Alicia smiles at me, clearly confident in her response before focusing back on Steve.

"And Mr. Governor, how do you feel about your wife's affair?"

Her hand begins to tremble lightly beneath mine. I know what she's thinking. Before answering Steve, I offer her a little reassurance by the squeeze of my hand.

"I feel a lot of regret." I pause and look at Alicia again, the same as she did me. "I almost drove our marriage to a point of no return. At the time, I didn't realize I could have lost my wife _and_ our two children. Every day I am afforded to live and see, I am grateful that Alicia gave me a second chance to make it up to her, to make it up to my kids. To make it up to the people of Illinois. If she is able to forgive me for my misdoings, then I am willing to forgive her as well and really work on making our marriage stronger."

Steve nodded slowly, taking his time to digest my answer. He casually leans back in his chair, shifting his eyes between the two of us. I'm not sure what he will ask next, but I know that my response has given fuel to whatever analysis is going on in his mind right now.

"And how well did you know Will Gardner? Did you know about their affair while it was going on?"

Alicia begins to withdraw her hand slightly, but I hold it firm.

"I knew Will Gardner, but not on a personal level. He was a good lawyer and a nice guy. But Steve, whether I knew about the affair or not, in my opinion, doesn't really matter now. I think it is time to put that behind us and focus on the real problems of Chicago and what my wife can do to improve the State's Attorney's office."

Steve scoots forward within his seat, resting an elbow on the wooden arm of the chair as he shakes his head.

"But Mr. Governor, many Americans don't feel comfortable voting for someone whom had an extramarital affair. Considering the recent appearances by the two of you and based off your answer just now, it seems as if you and your wife have found some sort of arrangement, or middle ground in your marriage. The public feels that you are both in a _fake_ or staged marriage. What do you two have to say regarding that?" He stares directly at Alicia. "Especially _you,_ Mrs. Florrick. The people of Chicago are speculating that you are both together for one reason, and that is to get you elected. Are these rumors fair? Is there any grain of truth in them?"

Alicia tucks a lock of hair behind an ear with her free hand as she straightens her back against the couch. Although I'm sure those out there watching can't tell from her poker face, but inside, she is barely holding on. _We _hardly ever discussed _us_ to this extent. Even I'm a bit taken back by the depth of scrutiny of our marriage. Is the grounds she laid out for us finally falling through the cracks? Is everyone seeing right through our tony-award worthy performance right now?

"Those rumors are entirely false. Our marriage is not some sort of arrangement." She flashes me a brief smile and stares at me longingly, no doubt purposefully lingering and playing this role to the hilt for the cameras.

Damn, she is _good_.

"I love my husband," she continues.

My eyes narrow slightly as our gaze remains locked and I can't help but think of how it's so chilling that she can say that lie with such a straight face, while her voice echoes deep conviction. I take back what I said. No, _we_ aren't putting on an award winning performance. My wife clearly takes the cake.

"You are looking at two people who have loved each other for a long time. I am not perfect. And he isn't perfect. But we have been together for over twenty years now, through good and bad. We have two of the most amazing kids, whom we both adore." She places her other hand on top of mine. "Marriage isn't easy. We aren't going to wake up one day and all of a sudden, it's going to make sense. All that we can do is work on it, which we do every day. What's important is that we are always there to support and guide each other. "

I obligatorily smile at her and look towards Steve, further adding to her comment.

"There is no agenda here, Steve. We have had our share of problems and have decided our marriage is not worth giving up. What you have here, with us, are spouses who have hurt each other deeply, and are now vying to get back to a good and healthy place. Two individuals who want to dedicate their lives to public service by helping the people of this great state. We are staying married because we love each other, and Alicia is running because we both believe she will be the best person for the position."

Steve rubs his bottom lip as he considers my words. "But does the public have to worry about another scandal resurfacing and derail the work of the next State's Attorney?"

I answer first. "No. Absolutely not. I have amended my shortcomings. I have gone to prison and I have learned the grave extent of how I hurt my family very deeply. I will never do that to them again."

"What about you, Mrs. Florrick? How can the public trust that if you and your husband have another falling out, that you wouldn't begin another affair? Your husband went to prison for his mistake, but how about you? Did you learn from it?"

I could sense Alicia was getting tense from the invasive questioning. Her delay in responding told me that. In a very indirect way, Steve was shaming her for her affair. I couldn't help myself; I had to jump in and help her.

"Steve, I can tell you my wife was put in an extraordinarily terrible position by me. There is only one person to blame here, and it is me." I can feel her eyes staring a hole through my skull, but I won't look into them. For I know there is a deep sadness flickering there, a sadness that only I would be able to see. "I broke an ultimate vow, and she forgave me. Her mistakes don't even come close to the ones I made_. I_ broke us. And we have been trying ever since to get back to one another. To be the husband and wife we used to be."

Alicia looked at Peter, finally finding her voice. "Peter and I have discussed my shortcomings and my involvement in my affair. And you are right, Steve. Two wrongs do not make a right. Just because he broke his vows did not mean I had the right to break mine. I know this. When I had to explain my infidelity to my kids and my family, it was simply…indescribable. Their disappointment was punishment enough. Peter and I were separated at the time and we all have moved forward. We have chosen not to get hung up our on mistakes from the past, for we were in completely different places back then, but now, we're on the same page again. We are strongly, 100% recommitted to our marriage and our family."

Steve nodded, as he crossed his legs and hooked his thumb beneath his chin, focusing his eyes only on her.

"Okay. To make sure we are all on the same page _here, _Mrs. Florrick, did you have an affair to punish your husband for his infidelities?" he asked, pushing even further.

Alicia tensed up even more and glanced down at her wedding ring, then looked back up at him.

"It's a lot more complicated than that. I was deeply hurt. I thought I was ready to move on, given our separation. It was a vulnerable time for me and I found comfort in a long time friend. And maybe, just maybe a small part of me wanted to hurt Peter as much as he hurt me. I didn't go into the relationship thinking that way, but I also didn't think it through when I began the affair. I thought I wanted it, but quickly realized it wasn't in me to continue on. So the short answer is, no, I didn't go into it to punish my husband. But I can't say my actions were totally honest to myself."

Steve finally spoke again. "Mrs. Florrick, I'm not sure you are aware or not, but your scandal is already causing a major distraction from the campaign. Do you think this looming cloud is honorable to the public? For you to continue to paint a picture of a strong and ambitious political wife, a woman who can be every bit the man her husband is, but harbor such a colored past? With the doubt etched into so many minds tonight, wouldn't it be a wise move if you stepped down now to save yourself a loss in the coming months?"

"No, Steve," she fervently shakes her head. "I am the best candidate for this position. I do not believe that our personal life is an indicator of how much change I can or cannot bring to the State's Attorney office. It's not fair to the people of Illinois for me to quit the race over a personal issue between my husband and I that was made public. I am not a quitter, and I will continue to fight to do what is right. It's extremely hard to sit here, on this couch, and air out my personal life to you and to the world. But I am doing this because I think the people deserve answers and I want them to know I am willing to give them. Because, again, I believe I am the best candidate and should not be pushed out of the race over this insignificant matter."

"Insignificant matter? Are you saying an affair is not a big deal?" Steve continued to push.

"No, Steve, I am not."

I watch as she inhales a brave breath and grips my hand so hard it makes me want to cringe. Being a woman who carefully reveals her innermost feelings, I know the pressure of her having to answer these tough questions is getting to her. Fast.

"I am saying that my affair from three years ago, has nothing to do with how I am going to perform as State's Attorney. My affair was a very private and personal moment, and it shouldn't influence my candidacy. I believe these are separate issues, even though the public is interested in both. How I intend to get my job done in that role, does not, in any way, have to do with this affair, which ended three years ago. The public can trust this. They gave my husband a second chance and he has proven he deserved it. They elected him back into office _twice_ after his scandal, because they were able to separate his mistakes and capabilities to lead this state in the right direction. And that is exactly what I want to do. Lead Chicago into the right direction."

"I am sure that is music to everyone's ears, whom is listening tonight." Steve nods at her and smiles. "I want to thank you both for answering these questions, which I know were uncomfortable. I appreciate your willingness to open up." He then pivots to his right, facing the camera. "When we return, more from First Lady Alicia and Governor Florrick. We will talk more on their marriage and the conflict of interest that could arise if Mrs. Florrick wins the election."

The cameras, much to our relief, stop rolling. Steve rises from his seat and walks towards the small make-up station near the entry of the room, giving us a moment of privacy. I take advantage of this break and finally let my guard down. Exhaling a deep breath, I unlink our joined hands.

"That wasn't so bad," she tells me, smiling. All I do is nod. I shift on the couch, the lightweight of my tailored suit adding to my discomfort. I feel super-hot under it, my tie all of a sudden feeling as if it's choking me. I loosen it slightly. "Right?" she asks after I don't respond, clearly still looking for reassurance.

"Yeah, not too bad at all." I lean in close and whisper in her ear, making sure nobody else around us could hear me. "The art of _pretending _suits us both so well."

I can tell she picks up on the bitterness in my voice just by how her facial expression changes.

"Look, I know this feels uncomfortable. Let's just get through this, and we won't have to do an interview like this again."

"You two are doing great!" Eli comes out of nowhere, dismissing my chance to respond to Alicia. He must have been holding his breath behind the monitors, watching us do this, waiting for any slip-up that would cause him to fly off the handle.

"You are both hitting all the right chords, which will resonate with the public." He smiles widely. "Hell," he bent down to be eye level with us, "I even believe you two have overcome your difficulties and are madly in love," he says in a softer voice.

I nod and look towards my desk. Alicia also avoids eye contact with Eli. That is the farthest from what either of us feel.

"I am glad that we are making you proud, Eli," I finally say.

My response strikes the flicker of unease I know he was badly hoping to never see between us until this interview was over.

"What's wrong?" He finally probes. "Don't you two dare get all cold on me now. We only have one segment to go."

"We won't, Eli," Alicia quickly interjects.

"Two minute warning," the crew guy finally says.

"Keep doing what you're doing!" Eli winks at us, and gives a thumb up before going back to his hidden position.

Partially loosening my tie, I sigh heavily, my eyes widening when Alicia rests her hand on my thigh.

"Look Peter, we can talk about this once it's over, if you want."

"No. It's all right. Don't worry. I will continue to play my part. There won't be anything left to discuss once we're finished."

The makeup artist comes towards us to do a quick touch up on us both. Steve returns to his chair and smiles in our direction, shooing away the artist who also tries to blot his forehead one last time.

"Are you two ready to continue?"

"Yes we are," I answer, flashing that fake but familiar, genuine smile.

"Five seconds everyone," the crew director informs us as he continues his count down.

Steve doesn't waste any time jumping right back in to the questions once we're live again.

"Before the break, you both were expressing the struggles most marriages have to deal with. Can either of you tell us why your marriage has survived, compared to other marriages?"

"Commitment," Alicia said. "It's always easy to give up. To stop trying. It takes a lot more effort and courage to forgive and keep trying. I committed to this marriage over twenty-years ago, and I don't like breaking commitments. I fell in love with a young lawyer back then, whom was kind, funny, and smart. And he is still all of those things. I didn't want to give up on that man I fell in love with. Just like he didn't give up on me."

"But what do you have to say to these women who judge you for giving your husband a second chance?" Steve inquires.

"I would say…" She rests her hand on my thigh again and looks at me, surprising me for a split second. I almost forget to play my part, so thrown by the contact, before I reach an arm back and rest it behind her on the chair, then cover her small hand on my thigh with my free one. "I would say forgiveness is not easy. That you can't judge anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Every single situation is different. What I decided to do is very different than what another woman may have chosen. I would tell those women who question my actions, that you have to do what is right for yourself, because what is right for me might not be right for them and vice versa." She nods, affirming her own answers and I actually truly believe that for the first time in the last twenty minutes, I know she is telling the truth. "Peter has changed; he has atoned for his failures and so have I. Second chances are not easy, but I do believe Peter deserved it and he hasn't proved me wrong."

"Governor, would you say your wife deserved a second chance as well?"

"Absolutely, Steve." I answer without hesitation. "The only reason Alicia and I are together now is because she didn't walk out on me when my scandal surfaced. Not only did she stand by my side, but she saved our family. She sought a career after thirteen years of being a stay at home mother, never giving up after employers told her no. Giving up wasn't an option; it never crossed her mind. That is the kind of woman she is, one that perseveres in difficult situations and that is one of the many reasons why I love her. She is the same girl I fell in love with twenty years ago. So yes, my wife deserves a second chance, and so much more."

"Ok, thank you," Steve says as he readjusts himself in his seat. "Now, moving on to a lighter topic. Mrs. Florrick, you said that you met your husband when he was a young lawyer years ago. Can you tell everyone the story on how you two met?"

I chuckled at the memory because I have told this story a hundred times before and it always brings so many memories. Alicia looks at me, waiting for me to begin.

"I think Peter likes to tell this story. How about it, honey?"

I smiled at her, and cleared my throat as I reflect on what it was like when I saw my wife for the first time.

"Alicia was a second year at Georgetown and I was a second year associate at McCord and Associates in D.C. She had landed a job as our summer intern, working closely with the associates on cases. She caught my attention right away. She was breathtakingly beautiful, and very, very smart. There was never a moment when she wasn't always working or running around doing something. She wasn't on my case then, but I knew I needed to get to know her. I would stare at her all time. In meetings, in the break room, when we walked down the hallway…

"One day, a few weeks in, little did I know, Alicia was tired of waiting," I continue on with the story. "So, she approached me in the break room, and said, "If you are going to keep looking at me, and I am going to keep looking at you, perhaps we should get to know each other". Then she properly introduced herself to me," I laughed. "A very determined woman she was. I was even more attracted, and intrigued to learn more about her right away."

Alicia laughed at the memory as well. "You know, he took me to a basketball game on our first date. It was pretty funny because I had very little interest in sports, but I could tell it was important to him. I went to the game, not really knowing what to expect. I ended up being so bored." She laughed lightly; I've missed hearing that laugh. "I have since learned a thing or two. I can actually sit down and watch a game with him now," she added.

"Yeah, she is a trooper, even if she doesn't enjoy it as much. She likes to spend time with me," I say with a chuckle, thinking of the endless Sunday's we've spent watching basketball and football games.

Steve smiled. "Well, you two definitely seem to be in a much better place now. But you both lead very busy lives. When do you see each other or your kids? With the Governor traveling back and forth all the time, how do you manage not to lose sight of your renowned commitment being apart so much?"

"We are in a much better place, Steve," says Alicia. "We endured very tough years for a while. But I think we have finally reached a much-desired level of stability. We try to see each other as much as we possibly can. When Peter is in Chicago, we make time for each other. And we absolutely make time for our kids," she tells him as she squeezes my hand.

"It's not easy, I can tell you that," I add. "But communication is very important to us now. I call her multiple times a day just to see how she is doing. If I am away, I make sure that I call her at night before bed. We try to stay in touch as much as possible," I lie to him, but with great ease. However, I suppose this isn't all entirely a lie, because before Will died, this was all true.

"Is there anything else you would like to tell the public, Mrs. Florrick, about your marriage? Anything to reassure those who are hesitant to vote for you because of your past?"

"I want the public to know that our marriage is private, and just because we are now speaking about it publicly, we don't want to remain hung up on that. Right now is the time to focus on talking about the issues plaguing this county and state, about my experience and how I will be a necessary addition to the State's Attorney office," Alicia said.

"Speaking of the State's Attorney's office, what are your plans to combat conflicts of interest between yours and potentially your wife's office, if she wins, Mr. Governor?" Steve asked, finally deflecting the conversation away from the private details of our marriage.

"Well, I have a lot of smart people working with me, holding me accountable as well as the people of Illinois," I say to Steve. "I don't plan to interject in my wife's office if she wins, and it's not my place to do so. I urge anyone who works with me now, or worked with me then, to know that it's a completely different office and they shouldn't feel like they need to be more lenient in their roles just because she is my wife."

"To add to that," her voice is distinct and clear, filled with passion and assurance. "Peter and I have been juggling this delicate line for years and I believe we've found a good balance. Where he knows what he can or can't ask or know, and the same goes for me. We hold ourselves to very high standards when it comes to our careers. And the public doesn't have to worry about any ethical lines being crossed with us," Alicia said in a serious, but soft tone.

"Well, it will definitely be very interesting to see you both navigate this new dynamic if Mrs. Florrick wins the election," says Steve. "Thank you both for sitting down with me today. It has been a great pleasure."

"Of course, Steve. Thank you so much for having us. Peter and I are grateful to have had the opportunity to answer any questions the public may have before the election," Alicia answers for us.

Steve does his closing arguments and within minutes, finally, the cameras are off. Alicia starts unbuttoning her microphone and I do the same.

"Again, good luck Mrs. Florrick." I look up to see Steve shake her hand, smiling brightly. "If you win, I'm sure you will make a fine State's Attorney. Thank you again, Mr. Governor."

"It was a pleasure, Steve."

Shaking my hand as well, the three of us bid goodbye as I realize that even though the battle was over, Alicia and I were about to be left alone in this room.


	2. Chapter 2

It takes all but fifteen minutes for the camera crew to gather their equipment and exit my office, leaving Alicia, Eli and me here to discuss the interview. I walk the short distance towards my desk and finally take a seat in my plush, burgundy Connolly leather chair—which Alicia helped me pick out—hoping to get some work done.

"You did great! Absolutely fantastic! The numbers are going to be through the roof tomorrow!" Eli cheers with a grin from ear to ear.

"Good. Then maybe we can finally put this issue to rest," Alicia says, looking in my direction.

"Let's hope so because pretending is very exhausting."

My bitter tone of voice causes them to narrow their eyes on me, both probably drawing their individual conclusions as to why I'm not relishing in this momentous outcome.

Eli moves his gaze rapidly between Alicia and I, picking up on the tension that never failed to suffice and suffocate the air in any room that my wife and I occupied.

"Do you need two need a minute?" he inquires.

I shook my head. "No, Eli, that is alright. We're fine. I need to get back to work."

"Actually, yes Eli, we do need a minute." Alicia gives me a knowing look and then turns back to Eli. "Can we have the room?"

He looks to me again, as if seeking permission. I find it funny that after all of these years, although he usually sides with Alicia in our personal matters, he still respects my authority as his boss. With a nod of my head, I let him know it's all right. Taking one last moment to congratulate us again, he stealthily makes his exit before we are finally, left alone.

Propping my elbow on the arm of the chair, I lean back against the hand-stitched cushion as I stare at my wife. She remains on the opposite side of the desk, standing in front of a chair but refusing to sit, with her arms folded across her chest, glaring at me. I know where this is going; the familiar argument I can do without rehearsing today.

"So, what's up, Alicia? I did what you asked me to do and Eli said everything went well. What more can you possibly want?"

My words are cold and devoid. But I don't care. Really, what could she want? I sat there and played that little charade, to which, all of Chicago now believes we're a happily married couple. What more could there be to say, except…thank you?

"I want to know why you are all of a sudden making angry and bitter remarks every chance you get?" She steps forward and rests her hands on the edge of the desk, leaning into the space, allowing me to see the tiny vein popping out of the side of her neck. "Since when is _pretending_ suddenly an issue for you, Peter? It didn't seem like an issue when you were lying to me every night after you fucked Amber!"

Shaking my head, I slowly recline it back against the headrest. Ugh, Amber. My ultimate betrayal with a prostitute that she will never let go, I just know it. She can preach that she forgave me until the cows come home, but we both know that never happened.

"Amber. Here we go again…"

I'm aware that my anger is rising from the grinding of my teeth and the feel of my heart rate increasing as my eyes narrow on her. I fucked up royally with Amber, but I thought we had moved on from that. I wasn't going back there. It was too much of a risk to have the same outcome from our fight last time on this issue.

"You know what, Alicia? I am not going to fight this. I am tired of having this _same _fight." Sitting upright, I reach for my pen and avert my gaze down to a stack of papers. "Now, I have work to do. But don't worry. I will be at the fundraiser on Saturday night."

She slams her hand on the desk, startling me. I had forgotten how much she hated when I brushed her off after she had geared herself up for a good fight. I look up at her with wide eyes.

"No! Come on, Peter! Tell me what you are thinking. Go ahead. You seem to have a lot of anger inside of you. So how about you get it all out now so we can proceed with this campaign without all of this hanging over our heads," she yells so loud I'm sure my staff on the other side can hear.

"Please, lower your voice." That was a bad choice of words I quickly realize. It probably resonated in her ears as if I told her to "shut up", judging from her reaction. The slow tilt of her head followed by the squinting of her eyes tells me I had just escalated her frustration from five to ten. "But no. You can forget it. There is nothing I can say that will be good enough. You still haven't forgiven me for Amber and you never will. I'm sorry, but there isn't more to say."

"Judging from your remarks, there is a helluva lot more that you want to say! So what is it? More apologies? Regret? What is bothering you so, Peter? What do you want from me?!"

Staring at her, I memorize the image of her standing before me in this moment as if I will never see her again. Folding my hands together, I inhale a deep breath and gaze deep into her confused eyes, not believing the words that are about to come out of my mouth.

"I want a divorce."

For a second, I look down, too afraid to see the hurt or anger that is waiting to greet me. To finally speak the words that I had been wanting to say to her for months, even playing them out in my mind couldn't prepare me for the real thing. Slowly, I lift my head and look at her, wondering what she will say.

She stands silent…frozen, her hands still poised on the edge of the desk as her widened eyes tell me I better explain because surely she heard wrong. Even when we were at our worst, very seldom did we toss around the word 'divorce'. We vowed to each other forever, and I'm sure in the backs of our minds, we still wanted that fairytale marriage and happy ending we dreamed of in our twenties. But life happened.

We grew older. We made mistakes. We changed.

A minute has passed and still…nothing. I know my statement caught her by surprise. The way she stands, slightly leaning against the polished wood for support, makes me feel as if I have knocked the wind out of her. Her steely silence is hard for me to decipher. I honestly don't know whether she's just digesting it or she truly doesn't know what to say.

But we can't continue to sit here like we're deaf. Finally, I speak again. "Look, Alicia. I will wait until you are elected for State's Attorney, and I will play my part as your husband until then. But…I want a divorce. I honestly can't live like this anymore. I don't want to be with you, and not really with you. I want a wife, or just _someone_, who actually wants to talk to me at night. Who _wants_ a partner. Someone who actually wants _me_, wants my company."

Her eyes twitch slightly, a sign that tells me she's livid. Hell, she isn't even blinking!

"Someone like Ramona?" she blurts.

_Ramona?_ How in hell does she even know about her? Hmm…Eli probably. I am all but taken aback by her allegation. Leaning back in the chair, I rub the top of my lip as I ponder this new revelation.

"How do you know about her?"

She leans further across the space of my desk. "I am not stupid, Peter!"

She tucks a fallen lock of hair behind her ear as she continues to yell and all I can think, even in this heated moment, is how beautiful she looks. Of how I missed waking up to her face in the morning and it being the last thing I saw before falling asleep at night. I missed my wife like hell, and now, I was giving up any possibility of having it all again.

"You think I don't have my own campaign manager doing research?" Her shout brings me out of my momentary daydream.

"No. It is not about Ramona," I say, calmly. I'm conscious to choose my words carefully. "This is about us, and _this_. Look at us." I spread my arms wide. "We can't even be in a room together for more than five minutes before we are fighting. Just _look_ at us Alicia."

She finally draws back and folds her arms across her chest again, her chest rising and falling as she considers my observation.

"We aren't what we used to be. Do you really want this for the next four or eight years? Personally, I don't. I truly believe a divorce is best for both of us."

Again, I'm greeted with more silence. My trained eyes watch her closely, looking for any sign that I'm not alone in this desire. That somewhere deep inside, she would come to her senses and realize we shouldn't force ourselves to enjoy our golden years in misery.

"Are you sleeping with her?" she asks me, her eyes lacking all emotion.

Shaking my head, I rise from my chair and stand, burying my hands into my pocket. Leaning my head to the side, I laugh in disbelief at her accusation.

"Does it matter, Alicia?"

"Yes. It matters to me."

She's serious.

"No. I am not sleeping with her. Not yet."

I'm baiting her. I know exactly what I'm doing. Her jealousy has all but thrown me for a loop. I mean, she hasn't so much as even hinted to wanting to be in my bed for months, and all of a sudden, she wants to know if I fulfilled my part of the laws she laid out for our marriage and slept with Ramona? It's truly baffling. I stand here like a dog with his tongue wagging wildly, waiting for a bone…waiting for her response.

"Do you want to sleep with her?" she finally asks.

Dropping my head, I walk around the desk and inch towards her, not failing to notice how she retreats two steps back. I stop just a few feet in front of her, the chair in between us.

"This isn't about her. It's about us." I take another step forward as I lower my voice. "I love you, Alicia. I wasn't lying during that interview when I said that. _None_ of the things I said was a lie. But the reality is, that this open marriage doesn't really work because you are happy with it and I am not."

"Do you want to sleep with her?" she asks again, almost as if she didn't hear anything I just said. When will she let this go?

A tired sigh passes my lips. "I want to be happy."

"And she makes you happy?" She arches her brow, clearly challenging me to go there. Again.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I try to understand this. I really do. What is her obsession with Ramona? Why won't she let her go?

"I don't know. All I know is that this charade between us isn't making me happy." There is a long pause before I continue. "Alicia, deep down, don't you think it's time for us to let go? For you to be happy? To stop pretending? Like you told me a few months back, "you lost your husband a long time ago." So why keep this up? Can you give me one good reason why we should stay in this marriage?"

Her eyes grow wide as she drops her folded arms and grips the arms of the chair. "So you are ready to just give up?! To throw in the towel just like that?"

At this point, I am utterly confused. And I know my confusion is painted all over my face.

"What the hell do you mean? All I have done the last five years is try to be there for you, to show you that I have changed. That I want _this_…us! Now you are accusing me of giving up?" Turning around, I walk back towards my desk. I want to leave it at that but I can't. My anger won't let me and neither will hers.

"You gave up on _us_. YOU!" I point my finger at her and she immediately shrinks back at my aim. "Don't you dare tell me this is my fault. When all I was trying to do was be there for you and you shut me out!"

She rolls her eyes, pissing me off more. "Yeah, way to be there for me by calling me a selfish bitch! And then telling me Will never loved me. How fucking supportive of you!"

My eyes clamp shut at the thought. I know she is right; I stepped way over the line there. I should have given her more time. Sitting in my chair for a minute, I rest my head in the palm of my hand as I wonder where we go from here.

"See? See what just happened?" I look at her once more. "There is no fixing us. We are broken and have been for years now. So I ask you again, why should we keep this up? Give me one good reason why we shouldn't just sign the divorce papers now?"

I clasp my hands together and rest them beneath my chin.

She shakes her head as she grabs her purse and coat, beginning to walk towards the door.

"Because I am not ready."

"Alicia." She looks at me, her hand on the doorknob. "It's time."

Even from my seated position, I can see the tears welled in her eyes. With a final glance, she walks out of my office, slamming the door behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Three months later…**_

The pain I feel right now is wholly overwhelming. Just seconds ago, I walked into Peter's office calm and collected, as I leisurely strolled towards his desk and made myself comfortable within the chair across from him. As I listen to him bring a phone call to an end, I feel as if I will have a nervous breakdown. I'm here to finalize our marriage. After he asked for a divorce three months ago, I wasn't ready back then. I wasn't done being selfish, angry and jealous. But he was right. Everything that he had said about me, about us, was right. Why _was_ I holding on to this marriage? It wasn't that I didn't love him, because I do. I just couldn't forgive him. I have never been able to forgive him, and after Will died, everything else inside of me felt dead. I took all of my anger and regret out on Peter, because, why not?

So, yes. He was right. It was time.

"Hi." I smile at him once he sets the phone back onto the cradle, my expression genuine. I am honest in my actions because after these past couple of months, I've had time to think and re-evaluate. I don't want to be angry anymore.

"Hi. How's everything going? State's Attorney office treating you okay?" he asks, which causes me to smile wider. Despite everything, the name calling, hurtful words, the charade I forced him through…he still cares.

"Yeah. It's going great. Of course, it will take a while to adjust, but it's going well."

He nods. "Glad to hear. Uh," a grin begins to adorn his lips, "Grace tells me you have been really busy but seem very happy with the new job."

"Yes, she is right. I _am_ very happy; this role has given me new life. Although I have been busy, so has she with prom and graduation preparations."

"Oh yes, I know. She's been telling me all about it. I am thinking of putting two secret service details on her that night," he laughs. I laugh, too.

"You should. It would give me a peace of mind."

"I know."

He leans back in his chair and unbuttons his blazer, his eyes relaxed as they focus only on me. As if they wouldn't notice when someone else walked into the room, at this very moment. For all he saw was me.

"They grow up so fast. I can't believe it's Brown for her next year. I am so proud of her!"

I nod, still in disbelief that our little girl will be off to college soon. We only have a few more months to savor her innocence before she is sucked into the world, blossoming into a woman that would make us proud with whatever path she chose.

"I am, too. We managed to get them both graduated and off to college. I feel we deserve some sort of pat on the back for that," I tell him.

"How about a drink instead?" he asks, rising from his chair and removing his blazer. He neatly drapes it along the back of the chair, then walks to the mini bar adjacent to his desk.

I readjust myself in the seat as I consider his offer. "Sure. Why not?"

He pours us both a scotch on the rocks—Johnnie Walker, his favorite. And one that I have grown to really enjoy throughout the years with him.

He walks towards me and hands me my glass, then sits down in the chair next to me.

Bringing his own goblet to his lips, he takes a sip before leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, dangling the glass, causing the smooth caramel colored drink to swirl around. "So, what can I do for you today? Planning to run for my seat next?" he jokes, making us both laugh.

"No. One thing at a time," I tease, taking a second to enjoy my own drink. I stare into his eyes briefly then avert my attention to the contents of my glass. "I actually came here tonight to apologize."

I'm slow to match his eyes again, afraid of seeing the look I guess will be plastered on his face. When our eyes meet, my assumptions are confirmed. An expression of blatant confusion greets me. Damn, I didn't want to explain.

"For what?" he asks.

I take a deep breath as I set my glass on the edge of his desk and angle my body to face him. "For not giving you an answer about divorcing during the conversation we had a few months ago. To apologize for making you stay in this arrangement, even after you told me you weren't happy."

He reaches out a hand to take one of my own and gives it a gentle squeeze. "It's okay. I was doing it for your future. You deserved to win."

"And I thank you for that. But I should have been more forthcoming in what I wanted. That maybe I should have made a sound decision about this whole open marriage thing, instead of acting impulsively in the heat of the moment."

"You don't have to apologize. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard."

"No," I shake my head. "You should have."

I know what I have to tell him next, what I came here to tell him. And yet, I can't get the words out. They're stuck. Cemented on the tip of my tongue, refusing to unhinge and form into syllables that would end this misery we've been enduring for the past year. I don't know why I'm afraid to voice what obviously needs to be said. Is it because I see this as a personal failure? Did I not try hard enough? Did I shut him out so much that there was no going back now? Did I even want to go back?

As these questions swarm through my head, I realize, sitting here in this very chair, was the problem. It was me. Not him, but me. I couldn't decide what I wanted, and well, that wasn't fair to me, to him, or to our kids. And after six years, the pain of his betrayal still hurt like hell. So yes, I have never been able to forgive or forget. That was the problem and it was time I admitted it.

He continues to watch me, clearly waiting to hear the explanation behind the trepid look I know shadows my face.

"I think we should start the divorce proceedings," I whisper, ashamed when even I hear my voice had begun to crack.

Dropping my head, I stare into my lap, wishing I could take back those words. Saying it aloud doesn't make it hurt any less, but only makes it hurt more. I told myself when I came here, that I would say this and be strong. That I wouldn't cower, that I would handle this like an adult. Yeah, that plan flew out the window because when I look back at him, I immediately want to burst into tears.

In spite of my second-guessing, speaking those words did lift this burden off my shoulders that I had been carrying around for weeks…months…maybe even years?

He looks at me as my eyes are filled with tears, threatening to overflow any second. It isn't until he finally grabs my hands and says, "Okay", in the weakest voice ever that I begin to cry. I can see he wants to cry too, but he probably won't.

"It's going to be ok, Alicia. I promise." He nods in affirmation. "It is the best decision for us."

He rises from his seat and kneels before me, grasping my hands and stares straight into my eyes. "We will always have each other as parents, and maybe we can even be friends. You didn't fail at this, Alicia. Don't ever think that." He always knows what I need to hear, and it's at those simple words that I'm reminded he still knows me better than anyone. "We tried. We both did. It just wasn't in the cards for us."

I simply nod because I can't do much more than that. No words are able to pass from my mouth at this point. And then, unexpectedly, he embraces me. He hugs me how he has done countless times before—encasing me in his arms and shielding me from any dangers that may be lurking in the world. When he holds me like this, I've always felt like I was tucked away in a safe haven. No one or nothing could ever come between us; as long as he held me in the security of his arms, everything would be okay.

As we continue to relish in this final embrace, I know he is right. We will always be connected to each other one-way or the other. If only for those two beautiful children we created, which was the best decision we ever made together.

"I will always love you, Alicia," he whispers into my ear. A chill runs down my spine from the passion that resonates in his voice and rumbles against the skin of my neck. "You will forever be the love of my life." He kisses the top of my forehead like he has done millions of times before.

When he pulls back, I see a tear roll down his cheek. I wipe it away as I crumble to pieces inside, knowing this is goodbye.

"I will always love you, too."

It's true. I always will.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't kill me please, I just thought this was the most honest ending for the tone of this story. (I did write an alternative ending just to make myself feel better lol) Thanks for reading. <strong>


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